I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
