I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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