And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
soo... how was my night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
