I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
