Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
