do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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