i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
