All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
