I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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