I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
