Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
