u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
