I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
