today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
