i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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