But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
