Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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