holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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