You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
