everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
