Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
