Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
