once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
