Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize