oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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