I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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