Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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