I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Bring me that man meat
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
