Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
