Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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