I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
