I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
