She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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