FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
