nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
