Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
