ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
