If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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