i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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