Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
