I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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