What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
