I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sex in a hospital.. check
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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