So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
