Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
