Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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