Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
