Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
