theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Quick, to the slutcave!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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