i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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