Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
