you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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