so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
