I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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