saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
