Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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