there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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