Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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