Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
