she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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