I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
porn star boner night. come get it.
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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