Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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