a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
