Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
