we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
